Emma arrived at the stables and sauntered over to her
Anglo-Arab's, Hermes, stall. She was shocked to see that the stall was
empty! Hermes was galloping freely, like he really had wings on his
feet.
"Stop! Hermes!" Emma cried, grabbing a leadline.
As Emma raced after Hermes, who was a speed demon, she tripped and landed in a puddle of mud.
"Ew!" She shrieked.
Hermes
turned around, tossing his head back like he was laughing. Then, he
gracefully cantered back into his stall and latched the door, acting
like nothing had happened.
"The worst thing is that I ruined my new, expensive boots," Emma moaned.
I really liked the words and how you paid attention to your punctuations. I am just wondering, why do you have big spaces between each line.
ReplyDeleteThe spaces are just from me starting each paragraph, and it puts a ridiculous amount of space between each paragraph, I know.
DeleteI really like how you used descriptive words to make your sentences richer.
ReplyDeleteGreat job using a simile (using the word like to compare) to help describe the horse when you say "Hermes was galloping freely, like he really had wings on his feet."
ReplyDeleteI also like how you opened your story with Emma in a cheerful tone and ended it with her moaning about her boots. This really helps to anchor and close your story.
As always, well done with paying attention to editing for grammar and punctuation.