Wednesday 25 May 2016

100 WC Week 19

 Why I Owe Jade 10 Bucks

"Bet you ten bucks you can't last an hour in Old Harley's house," Jade's eyes glinted as she presented the dare. There was a collective gasp, but I nodded.

Looked like I was about to enter a haunted house.


*****

Jade had placed a candle near the entrance. As the flame flickered and then went out, I was bathed in shadow. Just then, a transparent person floated towards me, and I backed against the wall. My hand came away sticky.

I ran out screaming, and promised myself I would never accept a dare from Jade ever again.

Now I had to find ten bucks.
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7 comments:

  1. Unknown25 May 2016 at 11:56

    Good story! But, what do you mean you were bathed in shadow? And when you said "...and promised myself I..." I think you accidentally didn't put a space between "myself" and "I." Also, you said "...I would never accept a dare from jade AGAIN EVER AGAIN." What do you mean "again ever again" it should just be "ever again.

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  2. Unknown26 May 2016 at 09:12

    I like the idea of your story. But I don't think you would be "bathed in a shadow" since earlier in that line you were talking about the flame/light going off and there being no other light in there. And in order to have a shadow you need some from of light being cast onto you, but you have no light so the line "I bathed in a shadow" doesn't work for the setting of your story. But other than that, great story!

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  3. Unknown26 May 2016 at 09:13

    Good story's don't get were bathed in shadow I like the ending like when you said I got to fine10 bucks instead of now I got to give her 10 bucks

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  4. jjmonkey26 May 2016 at 09:24

    I like your story very creative the only thing is at the end when you say "Now I had to find jade 10 bucks" i think you should change had to have because it sounds cleaner. :)

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  5. Unknown26 May 2016 at 09:34

    I dont know why she needed ten bucks when she lost the bet you might want to take that out and maybe put ghost not transparent person ghost sounds more childish.

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  6. Albert Einstein 2926 May 2016 at 09:34

    Great story! Like most people have said bathed in the shadow is confusing. Also when you said "Now I had to find Jade 10 bucks" like JjMonkey had said you should change had to have so it makes more sense.

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  7. Expired milk26 May 2016 at 17:23

    I kinda get confused in this story. I think you used to much descriptive language.

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