Unexplained
The unexplained is always the most interesting in life.
One day, I was walking along a beach, when I found a stairway that wound up into the sky. I climbed, but there was a golden gate near the top. I couldn't get in.
I was pulled out of my daydream by a local chatting away.
"A stairway to heaven was once going to be built here, but it was never completed," the local informed me.
I glanced at the barren ground, unsure how I had seen the completed stairway. There was just a small dove sitting there. It winked at me and flew off.
I really liked the idea of your story, and how you used a lot of descriptive language. One thing I think you should add is a "the" in the sentence that says "I climbed golden gate..." so that it says "I climbed THE golden gate..."
ReplyDeleteAnd I also think you should add indents at the start of all of your paragraphs. But other than that great job!
The beginning is a little confusing but it is really description
ReplyDeleteI found that your first sentence really catches the readers attention! I also like the creativity of your story. I'm having a hard time picking four any corrections for you though.
ReplyDeleteYour story was pretty good, though I got a bit confused in it. By the way, where is your title? In the first sentence it says "I was walking along a beach when I found..." I think you could put a comma after "beach." And what do you mean by "I climbed golden gate." shouldn't it be "I climbed the golden gate."
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your story with "The unexplained is always the most interesting in life". I also like the descriptive words that you used for your story. Maybe you could change the "One day while I was walking", into a more powerful sentence. I don't think you have anymore corrections and good job with your story !
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